Friday, December 7, 2012

Santa Phobia: An Endemic Problem During the Yuletide Season?

It’s Christmastime once again, but have you ever noticed why some toddlers are inexplicably afraid of the mall Santa Claus?

By: Ringo Bones

If you haven’t witnessed kids under 7 years of age who are totally inexplicably afraid of Santa Claus – or his Yuletide Season shopping mall impersonator – you probably live in a place where celebrating the Western “capitalist commercialized” version of Christmas is outlawed. In my experience – I think it’s as frequent as 1 in 4 kids under 7 years of age are inexplicably afraid of Santa Claus - or someone dressed as the traditional Western/Christian Santa Claus – as in “Mall Santas”. Is there any logical explanation for this inexplicable childhood phobia?

Even though an overwhelming number of these kids tend to outgrow their “Santa Phobia” by age 8, it might have something to do with humanity’s innate “Freudian” defense mechanism to avoid “stranger-danger”. As in children are instinctually preprogrammed to view grown-up strangers – especially one with an overflowing white beard and dressed like a Central Asian Sufi Muslim cleric suddenly appearing during that time of the year where days get shorter and the mercury in the thermometer goes way down with a certain wariness.

But most parents view this explanation as “academic bunkum” because to them – they believe that Santa Claus is based on a Christian saint named Saint Nicholas who appears every Christmastime to remind everyone to be a little more generous with their gift-giving. Thus, most parents just keep on insisting to place their hysterically fearful kids into a mall Santa’s lap while they go shop for some item they don’t necessarily need. Although, if “Sana Phobia” persists even when the kids are at 12 years of age, it might be a sign of a far more serious neurosis and they may need professional help.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Was Santa Claus An American Civil War Veteran?

Even though mainstream historians had been very, very reluctant to mention this trivial factoid despite of the evidence, do you know that Santa Claus was an American Civil War veteran?

By: Ringo Bones

Despite of the overwhelming evidence of his service during the American Civil War, many tenured mainstream historians are still very, very reluctant to admit that Santa Claus served in the American Civil War in the Union side and is therefore a bona fide U.S. Civil War veteran. And believe-it-or-not, it is because of mid 19th Century era political cartoonist by the name of Thomas Nast who got Santa Claus “drafted” into the Union Army.

Political cartoonist Thomas Nast, who is also famous for illustrating the donkey that became the “mascot” of the U.S. Democratic Party, first illustrated Santa Claus at the height of the American Civil War during Nast’s tenure as a full time staff artist for Harper's Weekly magazine. Santa Claus’ original raison d’ĂȘtre was a “recruiter” for the Union Army. Near the end of the American Civil War, then U.S. President Abraham Lincoln and supreme commander of the Union Army characterized Nast as the North’s “best recruiting agent” due to his Santa Claus illustrations on Harper's Weekly.

Even though at present Santa’s costume now consisted of a red coat and a red elfin cap with white fur trimmings, when Thomas Nast first illustrated Santa during the height of the American Civil War, Santa’s costume, though still consisted of a coat and an elfin cap, were back then sported a color scheme modeled after the Union flag. Even though Santa Claus served under the Union’s side, I find it quite surprising that former Confederate states in the United State’s “Deep South” never seem to have very public misgivings about Santa Claus every time the Yuletide Season comes around.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Buyers Remors And Monstrous Credit Card Bills: Over-Commercialized Christmas?

Buyers remorse maybe one thing, but dealing with monstrous credit card bills may be a sure sign that Christmas in the 21st Century is already over-commercialized?

By: Ringo Bones

So maybe you got very smart deals during the Black Friday shopping spree, after all you stood in line for almost 6 hours in a weather that only Soviet-era Young Octoberists would dare to endure. But did anyone notice - when 2012 secretly came - that we all had acquired a "dark passenger" in the name of buyer's remorse and monstrous credit card bills?

Christmas may had become over-commercialized since the end of World War II but its no excuse to shop for junk that we don't really need like there's no tomorrow. Capitalist consumerism didn't defeat the evil Soviet empire like Ronald Reagan have you believe. I'm just hoping that everyone has already found ways to pay off their monstrous credit card bills. Alleviating buyers remorse might be as easy as giving all your unwanted stuff to charity.